I was married to the same man for 31 years and he died over 2 years ago. I met my late husband in college. We started off as just friends, grew comfortable with each other and the friendship lead to marriage, a very natural progression. I thought all the dating stuff was behind me.
What terrifies me the most right now is putting myself out there. I have been hiding so long that I’m afraid to let you know who I really am. Heck, I’m afraid to see who I really am.
I have so much confidence when it comes to doing things on my own, learning to run a business or helping someone overcome their problems. But ask me to open up has me running in the opposite direction – especially in the area of dating.
Yet being alone so much has me toying with the idea of meeting someone new. It would be nice to have a special guy back in my life. I think I am ready. The question than became, how do I meet someone that will be a match for me? The Yentas (matchmakers) of old are all gone. There lies the problem.
Today, in order for me to meet a guy, I am directed to the Internet and online dating. This scares me the most for I am ‘dating challenged’. To be honest, I never really dated in my life. Sure I had few ‘real’ dates in college, was fixed up on a blind date or two (those were stressful) and messed around with a few guys (that was fun). However, I don’t consider any of this as being “experienced” in dating the opposite sex.
Believe it or not, I do have a Dating Life Coach who is helping me through this process of dating again. Some of the exercises she asks me to do, my whole mind and body goes into full scaled resistance called fear. I did scan a couple of online dating websites and took the time to fill out, not completely, a profile to help me ‘catch’ someone. Yet, I am at a total loss what to say or how to present myself to capture someone’s interest in me.
So here I am shaking in my boots, afraid of what, I’m not exactly sure. I don’t fear the rejection. I am afraid that someone out there might really want to get to know me. The real me. The me that is vulnerable, makes mistakes, is emotional and basically, human. And that scares me, because I just don’t know how let a guy see that side of me anymore.
It it time to decide….. Do I continue to hide or do I put my fearful self out there and start dating?